5 tips for good sex from porn director Erika Lust: “Women have been nice girls for too long”.



Erika Lust has been making feminist porn for 20 years. So the Swede knows exactly what women enjoy in bed and how to get what you want. For GLAMOUR she has formulated five tips for (really) good sex.

Feminist porn is still a niche, but Erika Lust and her films are nevertheless world-famous. With almost 20 years in the business, the Swede, who originally studied political science, is considered one of the co-founders of the genre. With her work, for which she has already won several awards, she wants to show a diverse and realistic image of sex. In contrast to mainstream porn, which is made by men for men, her films also focus on female pleasure. Her videos are therefore not only arousing and incredibly aesthetic, they also enlighten. Erika Lust talked to GLAMOUR about the industry and the influence of mainstream porn on our sex lives, and about how women can have better sex. Because especially women’s sex lives suffer from the unrealistic portrayal of sexuality in mainstream porn.

5 Tips for Good Sex: Create a Pleasure Map

Essential for good sex is knowing how you like to be touched – and how your partner likes to be touched. Unfortunately, we can’t be psychic, so it’s important to talk about it. A good and easy way to find out what you and your partner like is to create a pleasure map. To do this, you walk from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet on the other person’s body – or your own, because you can also create a pleasure map for yourself. But if you do it with a partner, you communicate where you like to be touched and where you don’t like to be touched at all. We are all so different. What feels good for one person can be totally unpleasant for another.

5 tips for good sex: Educate yourself and find out what you like.

Many people think that as a director and producer of porn I have always been so self-conscious. But I have also often been insecure about sex, not only professionally, but also in my private life. After all, I am only human, only a woman who has been socialised in this society. No one has to be ashamed of their questions or insecurities, we are all insecure at times when it comes to sex. I think that’s very important to keep reminding yourself: It’s perfectly okay to have questions. It’s just important where you go to get your answers.

Porn educates, that’s a fact. And I think porn is great and valuable and I see great educational potential in it. But when it comes to mainstream porn, the information we receive is highly dubious. This porn presents a completely false image of sexuality, especially female sexuality. And yet we watch them. Even though we may not talk about it out of shame. This is a big problem and the worst possible foundation for good, fulfilling sex, especially if you are a woman. Because what we see in mainstream porn is often deeply misogynistic, degrading and not even remotely reflective of what you would consider satisfying as a person with a vulva and vagina. If you want to improve your sex life, the first thing you should do is educate yourself and fill in the gaps left by school sex education. There are incredibly great, reputable resources online and in social media from various sex experts who really answer all questions about sex, from anatomy to the emotional component.

And then you need time with yourself and for yourself to find out what you really like. Men and women are still subject to fixed gender roles when it comes to sex. But especially we women have learned that we are there for the satisfaction of the man. That’s why we often don’t know what we really like, what feels good to us. Our sexuality has never been the centre of attention, and not only in porn. Film, music, literature and the media have also long adopted a purely heteronormative, male perspective, through which we women have been objectified. Masturbation can be a great way to help you find out who you really are as a woman and as a sexual being, away from the gaze and expectations of another person.

5 tips for good sex: Talking about sex

You see, many have focused on being a nice girl for too long because that’s what society expects of us. But that doesn’t help us have good sex. On the contrary, it holds us back. We therefore urgently need to start talking more openly about sex. This is how we can take back control of our sexuality.

We need to talk about it with other women, with our friends, our mothers, sisters and grandmothers, because it will show that we are not alone in our experiences and feelings. We all feel shame and insecurity. This is not a coincidence. Patriarchy makes us feel this way about our sexuality. At the same time, it objectifies it and makes it something that is only for men. We have to break this system, this narrative, but we can only do that together.

And if you don’t know how to find the right words, I would advise you to listen to others first. Sex podcasts are a way to change the way we talk about sex for the better. Listening to other people’s stories will, in doubt, make it feel less weird for us to talk about it ourselves.

And of course we should also talk to our sex partners. Open communication is essential for good sex. But not during. This is very important. Don’t talk about things during sex, but in a neutral situation. It’s great to feel like trying new things, our sexuality is complex, and one day we might feel like doing something we didn’t feel like doing the week before. That’s fine, you’re allowed to change your mind, but everyone has to be on the same page for that. No surprises. Talking about specific practices, desires and no-go’s in advance is not unsexy, it doesn’t take away spontaneity either, it builds trust. You can still be spontaneous, within the boundaries set out beforehand. Sex becomes so much better when all the boundaries are clarified because it allows us to let go.

5 tips for good sex: clitoral stimulation

From my twenty years of experience as a porn director, I can say one thing for sure: if there is no clitoral stimulation, sex is not particularly fulfilling for a woman or a person with a vulva. Unfortunately, that is exactly what is shown in mainstream porn: hard, blunt penetration. I’ve watched a great many people have sex and I can pretty much say that pure penetration doesn’t work. But again, everyone:r different, some like strong clitoral stimulation, some just very light – communication is key. I also think we need to open up more to the fact that we are all not perfect and that sex doesn’t always have to be perfect. We should give ourselves more space to grow and put aside the desire for perfection. Without this pressure, sex automatically becomes much better.

5 tips for good sex: Watching porn that makes you feel excited

I am angry at mainstream porn and the big players behind it because it reflects badly on the industry. I understand that many women are shy of trying porn for themselves. Why should they? I don’t feel represented by most porn either. Yet porn can help women regain power over their sexuality, because good, feminist and fairly produced porn makes us think outside the box. Seeing other women have sex, seeing how they really feel pleasure, seeing what gives them pleasure, seeing them have real orgasms is empowering. It helps to classify your own experiences and possibly get in touch with things you haven’t intersected with before. And who knows, maybe you realise that something excites you that you didn’t know could give you pleasure before.

But it can also be that you realise that you don’t find these or those things attractive at all. That is an equally valuable insight. Porn can also help us to reduce insecurities about our bodies and our sexuality, and to reduce fear of contact. Often we are afraid of the unknown. It can very well be that through porn you discover a side of yourself that you were not aware of before. I would like every woman to at least have the option of getting to know her sexuality in all its facets.